Tuesday night Hubby came home very late and very drunk. He expected me to throw him out on the spot. I did not. He asked me if I was going to divorce him and I told him that I would not discuss it while he was still drunk (Yay Al-Anon (I've been doing online meeting and while they aren't my "cup of tea" there are some useful aspects), don't interact with them while they're still drunk). He was having himself a pity party and I wasn't buying into it. He did say that he hated living like this and wants help. I told him, again, that I wouldn't give up until he did. The next morning I also added that I would not give him the satisfaction of throwing him out. That would be too easy for him... "poor me, my wife threw me out because I'm a drunk ." If he wanted this to be over, he needs to leave. Things were ok, or seemed so. He made it through Wednesday and Thursday morning he seemed a bit edgy, but ok. I left for work at 11:30. He had a few projects lined up for himself so he could keep busy. When I got home from work I found the house unlocked, his keys on the table, and his phone on the kitchen counter... no note or any indication to where he was. That night I locked the house and car up and slept on the couch. I didn't want him to just stroll in drunk and wake the kids, nor did I want him near my car (for obvious reasons). But it didn't matter, he didn’t come home. The next morning I brought the kids to daycare at 8:00 (when they asked, I told them he was working) and was home until 11:30. When I left I locked the house up, put a note on the door, and his cell on the window sill on the porch. When I came home they were still there. I did the same when I took the kids to baseball practice. On our way home from practice our neighbors (I would like it noted that I do not associate with these neighbors, at all) happened to be out on their porch, so I asked them if they had seen him. They said no. We went home and went about our evening quietly. I turned in around 9:30 (the couch again). At about 10:30-10:45 my neighbor had a case of guilt that he felt the need to unload, so he came knocking on my door. He was drunk and started rambling about how it wasn’t right, he didn't feel right lying to me, my husband should be home with his family... blah blah blah... So I went over there and confronted a very drunk Hubby. He had been staying there the entire time. At first he kept telling me that he wasn't ready to come home... he just wanted to go and die in the woods. He would become very upset (angry, "stop talking about them") when I mentioned the kids. I finally told him that if he didn’t come home with me that I would pack his shit and put it outside, save anything I felt I could sell. But I would also be making a call to the PD to report that there was a suicidal man that needed help. About 30 minutes later we were in our living room... He wouldn't let me touch him; jumping every time I did. He insisted sleeping on the couch. So long as he slept, I didn't argue. I set up camp on the floor next to the couch. When I woke him up this morning at 7:00 he was still a little buzzed, but I was not about to leave him here alone. Opening day baseball ceremonies started at 8:15 so I pushed him into the shower, made him a pot of coffee and some toast and away we went. We didn't get much talking done, due to the fact that we were in public, he was still a little buzzed when we left and I just couldn't stand his attitude... everything was a joke. By the time the ceremonies were over he wasn't so jolly. Being in the sun when your hung over is no fun. (punishment) Now we're home, he's in bed and will stay there until 2:00 (Baseball game at 3:00 and I'm still not leaving him alone). He said that he still wants to be married and still wants to try to fix things. He needs to sleep and clear his head before we can have any big discussions. At this point I don’t know what we'll do. He needs help, more than just rehab. Part of me believes that if I had not been so persistent last night he would have eventually off-ed himself. We're doing things moment to moment, just getting through right now. I'm sure you're wondering why I let him stay. I can't really give you an answer except for that addiction is a disease (His brain has been chemically altered by his addiction, scientifically proven... I so wish that you all had the same information that I have, maybe you'd understand better) and his mental health is officially in the toilet (I think we may have moved beyond depression and bipolar disorder). If it was cancer that was making our lives so miserable and hard, no one would question my actions. So, please don't tell me that I should leave him, or ask me why I continue to let him do this to me. He is my husband and he is sick. For better or for worse, until death do us part. If you would like updates, let me know.
=)
Now there has been some talking since then, nothing major as he's still feeling like crap (rightfully so, says I). Tuesday we'll go to see our doctor and discuss his meds and whatnot...
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