I got a new computer! Yay for Dell! Now that I'm no longer using a s-l-o-w computer, I'll hopefully blog more often. And with a little luck, I'll have some thing other than bitching to type about...
So I took my son to his first counseling appointment... didn't go so well... First off, she's a behavior therapist. He's not in need of a psychotherapist, just some behavior modifications, it's the ADHD really. We just need a little help with his lack of impulse control. Well, let's just say that she and I didn't get off on the "right foot." The session began with her asking both my son and I questions, only I couldn't tell which one of us she was asking... minor thing, no biggie. While she's asking and I'm answering, my son interrupts(as children often do). Rather than tell my son that we're talking and could he please wait, she devotes total attention to him and I stop answering her question. Fine, it's his appointment and she needs to interact with him; that's cool. But, when she turns back to me and I start to finish answering the question, she fires a new question at me... Still doing OK though. Taking it all in stride, I'm good. After about 15 minutes James excuses himself to go to the bathroom. She takes this opportunity to ask me questions about my son's absent father. At this point she knows that my husband is not my son's biological father. She asks if we see him. I reply no. She asks if I know who his father is... My jaw drops... WHAT! I mean seriously!!! Who the fuck asks that!!! When I reply, umm yes, obviously shocked that she felt it necessary to ask, she just shrugs and then asks if we were in a relationship... Apparently I seem like the type of person that would take a stranger home, fuck him without knowing his name and be stupid enough to not use birth control? Now I really wanted to let this woman have it, reallllly baddddly... but I held it together. This appointment is not for me(reminded myself), must keep my son's best interests in mind and not strangle the behavior therapist for so boldly insulting me(similar to a slap in the face). So I swallowed my tongue, played nice, answered her questions(all were comparatively mild after that), scheduled our next appointment and left. I can't wait to go back...
My hubby is doing well. Kinda sick of the question really. This is going to sound horrible, but on some levels, I'm jealous of him. He's off spending a month(little more actually) working on his issues, totally focusing on himself and getting to where he needs to be. And in so many ways I applaud him for it! It has taken a lot for him to get here(a whole lot, trust me!) and I really can't describe what a wonderful feeling it is to know that he's willingly getting the help he needs and putting his entire being into repairing himself. But in the same respect, I would love to be able to spend that kind of time on myself in a similar manner. Granted I don't have an addiction to deal with, but I've got bits and pieces that could use some work. But, my much needed work will have to wait. Right now, I'm here... holding it all together. I often wonder... what would happen... if that thin thread that I'm using to tie it all up with... suddenly... snapped...
Am I a horrible person for wondering when I'll get my turn to fall apart and let someone else clean up the mess?
1 comment:
I commend you for doing all you can and allowing your hubby to do what he needs to for him to get right. and doing all you can for your son. the little tweeks oyou may need are all back burner for now but God does know all... He never gives us more than we can handle. Talk your days thru with HIM! keep being strong your day will come and you won't have to "snap" to get it.
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