Monday, April 16, 2007

Bring it on 30!

So, let me just start by saying that being 29 has been less than fantastic. During this 29th year of my life I have buried my father(He passed March 03, 2005 but, to make a long story short, it took some time to get his ashes and make his final arrangements. We were not close at all, and I think that it made it harder to deal with it.), watched Cancer destroy both my Nana and my Grampa(Nana died on August 8, 2006 and Grampa died on December 20, 2006. I was very close to both of them). And I have been an unwilling participant in my husbands battle with alcoholism, resulting with him checking into a rehab program a week ago today. And this is only the big stuff, never mind the everyday, mundane issues that accompany life and raising children; my son's ADHD(councilors, medications, behaviour issues in school...), my daughter's ears(tubes and hearing tests, oh what fun!), finances(keep in mind that hubby isn't working, it's just my pitiful paycheck...). Being 29 SUCKS! I am so ready for 30(how many 29 year old's do you hear say that...).

There are so many random thoughts floating around my head right now...

When I tell people that my husband is in rehab they immediately look at me as if I'm going to follow with "and I'll be filing for divorce next week." Well, I'm not. And once I make that clear, obviously, there's something wrong with me. I'm just a pathetic door mat with no self esteem and no regard for my children's well being, right? So tell me, if your spouse told you they had cancer, or HIV, and they were going to receive the necessary treatment so they can lead a normal life, would you divorce them? Keep in mind that there is no cure for this disease they have, just ways to manage it day to day. Does that make them unworthy or undeserving of love, of having a family, of having a healthy life? I've said this a few times; "for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health..." I meant what I said. Marriage takes work and too many times people just cut and run, not willing to invest the blood, sweat, and tears.

Given that my husband is not bringing any income into the household, I went and applied for assistance at my local DHHS office, just as a means to get by until he comes home(by early June at this point). Now, when we found out that he'd be going to rehab, we were smart and planned ahead. We set aside some money to pay the bill that we'll receive(rehab isn't free!) with our tax return. Now I considered taking this money out of our bank account and hiding it, but decided against it; honesty is the best policy, right? WRONG! Because I have this money in my bank account, my application was denied. Honesty and playing it smart aren't the way to go through life I guess. Maybe I should just quit my job, stay at home and let welfare pay all my bills; because if I were staying home with my daughter and not working, I would qualify for all sorts of help. But because I'm working(and please remember that I am a professional, not just flipping burgers. I have an AS in ECHD, I am a preschool teacher and director at a small center. As any mom knows, I work as many hours as my family will allow, outside of doctors appointments, dentists appointments, and other family related commitments.) and honest, I get no help when I need it the most... Seem fair?

July 5, 2007 can't come fast enough!!!!!

PS I just can't express how today's news has effected me. At this moment, the death toll for the shootings at Virginia Tech is at 31. I just can't fathom...

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