Tired...

So I did the walk today. The weather was beautiful, the people were friendly. It was really nice. It actually took me longer to do the walk than it did to drive from my house to Boston(across the state line...). I'll do it again next year... Now I'm hanging out at my cousin(and best friend)'s house. My mother(she works in MA but lives in NH so she stays at my grandfather's house right next door during the work week) dropped a bit of a bomb on me today while I'm here. She found my will. A few months ago, before my Nana died, my husband and I wrote a will, stating that custody of our children would go to my cousin, not my mother like she originally assumed. My Nana helped us get it notarized by a woman that worked in her office and then was supposed to give it to my cousin for her to put in her safe deposit box. My mother was not supposed to see it until we(if while my children are still minors) died. I didn't want to have that conversation with her. Fortunately she didn't ask any questions, just told me where it was. It was an awkward moment to say the least...
Update: I ended up walking away from George(I call my computer George, long story, I'll explain later...) for a bit. In that time, my mother confronted me and asked me why I had changed my mind... Wheeeee... I pointed out that since having my daughter and getting married(I have a son 6 yrs, daughter 8 mos, married one year, son is from previous relationship) a lot in her life has changed too. She's changed jobs and that itself is a huge thing. She's not home anymore, five days a week she's in MA. She's also at a point in her life where small children(this may not come out right) just wouldn't fit in so well. My cousin, on the other hand, works out of her home as a daycare provider and her kids are still living at home(18 & 16). You do the math... We decided not to tell her because it is something that may never need to be discussed, I mean my husband and I don't plan on dying anytime soon... *insert exasperated sound here* I need a vacation.
In other news, I am a complete idiot. My husband is a recovering alcoholic(I know you just gasped). The key word there was recovering. He goes to his meetings twice a week and sees his drug and alcohol counselor every two weeks, and he's doing great and I can't be prouder of him! He's done so much for me, my son and our daughter(remind me to tell you the story of her...), he's my hero.(I know, I know; gag, choke, cough, and sputter). No slip ups in quite a while, life has been grand. So, like I mentioned earlier, I am here in MA after just finishing the walk and I'm tired and going to spend the night and go home tomorrow after my grandfather's oncology appointment(so many stories to tell!). I have my daughter with me but my son is at home with my husband. Also to add to this mess, my husband is painting our two story house. He's been up and down a ladder for almost two weeks. He told me he planned on painting today. So, I called a little while ago to say goodnight and such. No answer. Maybe he's in the shower... cleaning up after the painting... Tried again, and again, and again, and again... You get the idea. For forty five minutes I called and got no answer. So, in a panic, I packed my bag to go home. I went over to my cousin's house to get the keys to her van so I could get my daughter's car seat out of it. In a last ditch effort I called home one more time. As soon as he picked up the phone I felt awful... for not trusting him. In truth, I was not just thinking he was drinking, even then he'll pick up the phone. I also had visions of him in the hospital with my son sitting at the police department because my husband had fallen off the ladder and no one knew how to get in touch with me... Needless to say I told my husband the truth, I had over reacted and did he want me to come home even though everything was fine, they had just walked downtown and had pizza for dinner(now I feel even worse because they are not only fine, but spending time together and having fun). So after getting off the phone, here I am. I feel awful for not trusting my husband. But my cousin pointed out that I have every right to jump to those conclusions. I still feel like a tool. He won't be trustworthy if I don't trust him...